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Esther Perel

Season 6 · Episode 34

Revisited: Why Relationships Are the Secret to a Long, Happy Life with Psychotherapist Esther Perel

October 13, 2026 1 hr 2 min

Hello from Team Simon! We’re taking a few weeks off and will be back with brand-new episodes of A Bit of Optimism on Tuesday, October 27. 

Until then, we’re revisiting some of our favorite conversations, including this one with a longtime friend of Simon’s: Esther Perel.

For most of history, we stayed in marriages and jobs because we had to. Happiness was a nice bonus. Today we get to choose who we love and where we work, so happiness has become the glue that holds it all together.

Few people have watched that shift as closely as Esther Perel. For four decades, she’s seen how love, family and work have been reshaped by no-fault divorce, the internet, and now AI. Her conclusion hasn’t changed: the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives. It’s a line she first said out loud years ago, in a WHY Discovery session with Simon.

Esther is a psychotherapist, the bestselling author of Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, and the host of the podcast Where Should We Begin? Her card game “Where Should We Begin? At Work,” is built to spark real conversations between colleagues.

In this conversation, Esther and Simon talk about why one partner can’t be our whole village, what kids lose when they stop playing in the street, and why an entry-level job may be the last great playground. Simon also shares a personal update: how he made peace with the question, "Why haven’t you been married?"

In this episode you'll learn:

➡️ Why happiness went from a perk to the glue, in love and at work
➡️ The “relationship CV” everyone brings to work (+ how it shapes the way you handle conflict and authority)
➡️ Why we’re asking one person to give us what a whole village used to
➡️ How frictionless apps are changing what we expect from each other
➡️ Why entry-level jobs are the best place to scrape your knees
➡️ The number one relationship skill Gen Z should master before their first job
➡️ Why play is just risk that feels fun, and how it builds trust

And remember, every relationship you treasure started as a conversation with a stranger.

This… is A Bit of Optimism.

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To learn more about Esther's work, visit: https://www.estherperel.com/

And check out "Where Should We Begin? At Work" here: https://game.estherperel.com/products/where-should-we-begin-at-work

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Chapters

Chapters

  • 00:00:00 Why the Quality of Our Relationships Determines the Quality of Our Lives
  • 00:03:43 The Dual Revolution: How Work and Romance Transformed Together
  • 00:09:40 From Duty to Desire: When Happiness Became the Glue
  • 00:17:11 The Death of the Playground: Where We Lost Our Social Skills
  • 00:19:24 Why Lion Cubs Fight: The Mammal Lesson We're Ignoring
  • 00:25:46 The Harvard Study Secret: Relationships Are #1 Predictor of Happiness
  • 00:28:10 The Kindergarten Separation: A Cultural Moment That Reveals Everything
  • 00:30:17 The Two CVs: Your Work Resume and Your Relationship History
  • 00:31:04 The Predictive Technology Problem: Why Apps Are Ruining Human Connection
  • 00:38:56 The Three Models of Relationships: Romance, Scaffolding, and Friendship Networks
  • 00:42:49 Belonging vs Fitting In: Why Forcing Relationships Fails
  • 00:44:23 The Workplace Revolution: When Psychology Entered Business
  • 00:45:26 Where Should We Begin at Work: Using Storytelling to Build Connection
  • 00:46:20 The Entry-Level Crisis: Why Young Workers Are Most at Risk
  • 00:49:39 Remote Work Reality: Flexibility Without Dogma
  • 00:50:40 The Transactional Trap: Why We Skip the Coffee and Go Straight to Business
  • 00:56:20 Talk to Strangers: The Number One Skill Gen Z Needs
  • 00:57:48 The Discomfort Doctrine: Why Comfort Has Become Too Central to Life
  • 00:58:45 The Third Space: Finding Five Minutes Away From All Responsibility
  • 01:00:22 The Voice Matters: Why We Misinterpret Text and Need to Hear Each Other
  • 01:01:15 The Trojan Horses: Teaching Human Skills Through Work and Romance

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Simon is an unshakable optimist. He believes in a bright future and our ability to build it together.

Described as “a visionary thinker with a rare intellect,” Simon has devoted his professional life to help advance a vision of the world that does not yet exist; a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every single morning inspired, feel safe wherever they are and end the day fulfilled by the work that they do.

Simon is the author of multiple best-selling books including Start With Why, Leaders Eat Last, Together is Better, and The Infinite Game.

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Website: http://simonsinek.com/

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