We’ve all been there.
That moment when your boss looks you in the eye and says “just trust me” before completely tanking the project. Or when someone starts a sentence with “with all due respect…” and you brace for impact because you know respect is about to leave the building.
Last Tuesday, we started tracking these trust-destroying phrases in our office. By Friday, we’d filled an entire whiteboard. That’s when we realized: these aren’t just annoying corporate-isms. They’re relationship killers disguised as professionalism.
We dove deep into the research, talked to communication experts, and discovered something amazing: for every trust-killer, there’s a trust-builder. Simple word swaps that transform bad conversations into productive ones.
Here are the twelve phrases murdering trust in offices everywhere—and exactly what to say instead:
1. “Just trust me”
Why it kills trust: The verbal equivalent of “don’t look behind the curtain.” If someone needs to ask for trust, they probably haven’t earned it. Real trust is built through actions, not demanded through words. Trust must be earned through consistent actions and transparency.
Say instead: “Here’s my thinking…” or “Let me show you why this will work…”
2. “With all due respect…”
Why it kills trust: Nothing respectful has ever followed these words. It’s a warning shot that disrespect is incoming.
Say instead: “I see it differently…” or “From my perspective…”
3. “No offense, but…”
Why it kills trust: Spoiler alert: Offense is absolutely intended. This phrase is like saying “I’m about to insult you, but I’m giving myself a free pass.”
These types of disclaimers can appear passive-aggressive and diminish trust.
Say instead: “I have different thoughts on this…” or just share your perspective without the disclaimer.
4. “I’m just being honest”
Why it kills trust: Code for “I’m about to be cruel and call it virtue.” Honesty without kindness is just brutality with a bow on top.
Note that this phrase can imply previous dishonesty and be used to justify insensitive comments.
Say instead: “My perspective is…” or “I want to share some feedback…”
5. “That’s not my job”
Why it kills trust: The ultimate team killer. It says “I’m here for me, not for us.” Nothing screams “not a team player” louder.
This phrase can cause lasting damage to working relationships, making the speaker appear unhelpful and disengaged.
Say instead: “That’s outside my expertise, but let me connect you with…” or “I can help you find the right person…”
6. “I told you so”
Why it kills trust: Nobody likes a retroactive genius. This phrase prioritizes being right over being helpful.
Say instead: “What can we learn from this?” or “How can we prevent this next time?”
7. “It is what it is”
Why it kills trust: The shoulder shrug of phrases. It signals you’ve given up and expect everyone else to do the same.
This phrase communicates resignation and a lack of accountability, which can demoralize teams.
Say instead: “Given our constraints, here’s what we can do…” or “Let’s work with what we have…”
8. “That’s above my pay grade”
Why it kills trust: Translation: “I don’t care enough to help.” It’s passing the buck in a fancy wrapper.
Be warned that this can come across as deflective and undermine your credibility and influence.
Say instead: “I’ll need to bring in [specific person] for that decision” or “Let me find out who can help with this…”
9. “Let’s take this offline”
Why it kills trust: Often code for “I don’t want witnesses to this conversation.” It can make others feel excluded or suspicious.
Say instead: “This deserves more time. Can we schedule a follow-up?” or “This needs a deeper dive. Who should be included?”
10. “It’s not personal, it’s just business”
Why it kills trust: Everything at work involves persons, so it’s all personal. This phrase is often used to justify treating people poorly.
Say instead: “I know this impacts you. Let’s talk about how we can move forward…”
11. “I don’t have time for this”
Why it kills trust: What people hear: “You’re not important enough.” It dismisses both the issue and the person raising it. This phrase makes employees feel undervalued and like their concerns don’t matter.
Say instead: “I want to give this proper attention. When can we dive deeper?” or “This is important. Let me check my calendar…”
12. “Whatever you think is best”
Why it kills trust: Passive-aggressive surrender. It sounds supportive but often means “I disagree but won’t engage.”
Remember: Vague agreement can be more harmful than disagreement—it signals disconnection and lack of support.
Say instead: “I trust your judgment on this” (if you do) or “I have some concerns. Can we discuss?”
The Trust-Building Alternative
Trust isn’t built through perfect words—it’s built through consistent actions. But words matter because they reveal our intentions. Instead of these trust-killers, try:
- “Help me understand…”
- “What would success look like to you?”
- “I’m curious about your perspective…”
- “Thank you for bringing this up…”
- “Let’s figure this out together…”
And the most powerful trust-building phrase in any language?
“I was wrong.”
Use it wisely. Use it honestly. Watch trust grow.
And for better ways to communicate at work, check out Simon’s Optimism Library.
