We’ve all had that moment, when something at work just feels off. You’re being left out of meetings. Important emails no longer include your name. Your manager’s tone has subtly changed.
It’s a deeply unsettling experience. And it often leads to a paralyzing question:
How do you talk to your manager about it without sounding paranoid…or making things worse?
One of our Optimism Library subscribers recently asked us this exact question:
“When you have that gut feeling your job might be in danger, what’s the best way to bring it up without putting a target on your back?”
We turned to Simon for guidance. His response might surprise you.
The Fraying Rope of Trust
Simon shared a story about a friend who had been in this exact situation:
“My friend started noticing weird things at work—being left off key emails, excluded from meetings he’d normally be part of.”
His friend described trust as a rope: when you first join a team, you don’t put your full weight on it. But over time, as trust builds, you begin to lean on it more and more.
“He said, ‘I looked to the left, I looked to the right, and I could see my rope fraying.’”
The Common Mistake We All Make
When we sense our job might be in trouble, the knee-jerk reaction is to work harder. Stay late. Say yes to everything. Prove your value.
According to Simon, that’s exactly the wrong approach:
“He made the biggest mistake—he tried to shore up their rope instead of taking the weight off his.”
It’s like trying to save a failing relationship by overcompensating: cooking more dinners, buying more flowers—when what you really need is a conversation.
The Better Approach: Take Weight Off the Rope
Simon suggests a counterintuitive but powerful move: stop guessing, and start talking.
“What my friend should have done was knock on the door and say, ‘Can we talk?’”
The trick is to frame the conversation in a way that’s not accusatory or defensive, but constructive and vulnerable:
“I have a story running in my head. If it’s not true, I need to clear it up. But if it is true, we need to talk. I want to be valuable here—and if I’m not, let’s figure out a plan to grow or a way to exit with dignity.”
Why This Works: From the Manager’s Perspective
Many managers avoid difficult conversations because they’re unsure how you’ll respond. Fear of conflict or backlash often keeps them silent longer than they should be.
That’s why initiating the conversation yourself can be so powerful:
“If you say, ‘If something’s coming, it’s okay. Just help me leave with dignity and some lead time,’ you make it easier for them to be honest.”
Managers Are Human Too
Simon shared his own experience:
“I’ve had to let someone go and wished I’d told them sooner. But I hesitated—because I didn’t want to be the bad guy.”
Understanding that managers are human—and that silence often comes from discomfort, not cruelty—can help you approach the situation with empathy.
Build a Bridge of Empathy
Yes, it may seem unfair to make your manager feel safe about potentially letting you go. But that’s the reality in many workplaces.
“A lot of employees say, ‘I shouldn’t have to do that.’ And you’re right. But this is the real world.”
By creating safety in the conversation, you increase your chances of getting the clarity and respect you deserve—whether it leads to a plan for improvement or a dignified departure.
A Script You Can Use
If you’re not sure how to start, here’s a version of the conversation Simon recommends:
“I can only imagine the pressure you’re under. And I get that letting someone go might alleviate some of that. If that person might be me, I understand. I’m not angry. I just want to be part of the process, so it’s easier for both of us.”
This simple, human approach fosters honesty, dignity, and even collaboration—qualities that stand out no matter the outcome.
The Bottom Line
When you suspect your job might be in jeopardy, ignoring the signs or over-performing can often backfire.
Simon offers a third way:
✔️ Acknowledge your gut feeling
✔️ Start a respectful conversation
✔️ Position yourself as a partner, not a problem
You may not be able to control the decision—but you can control how you handle the uncertainty. And sometimes, that shift in approach is enough to change the story entirely
Want More Career Advice Like This?
As an Optimism Library subscriber, you get access to our exclusive quarterly Live Q&A sessions—where you can ask Simon your questions directly.
Facing a challenge at work? Bring it to the table. You might be one conversation away from clarity.
