Picture this: You’re sitting at your kitchen table, laptop open, staring at yet another job posting. You’ve sent out dozens, maybe hundreds, of applications. Each one carefully crafted, each one met with silence. The rejections sting. The silence stings more. And slowly, quietly, you start to wonder if anyone even sees you.
We know this feeling. Working for Simon, we often hear from people in this exact moment who reach out for advice. And here’s what breaks our hearts: They’re doing everything they’ve been told to do. They’re working hard. They’re persistent. They’re following the rules.
But what if the rules are wrong?
What if the path to meaningful work isn’t about sending more applications, but about having one real conversation? What if your next opportunity isn’t hiding in a job posting but in a relationship you haven’t built yet?
Here’s what we recommend, and what the research confirms: The people who find work that matters don’t chase jobs. They build relationships.
The Truth Hiding in the Numbers
The data tells a remarkable story: 70% of jobs are found through networking, not through the applications we obsess over. Even more striking? Only 7% of job applicants get referrals, yet referrals make up 40% of new hires.
When someone vouches for you, when someone knows your story, you don’t just have a better chance. You have a fundamentally different kind of chance.
But here’s where it gets really interesting, and hopeful.
You know how we’re told to lean on our closest friends and family? Turns out, that’s not where the magic happens. A landmark study from MIT, Harvard, Stanford, and LinkedIn involving 20 million people discovered something beautiful: The connections that change our careers aren’t always our closest ones. They’re what researchers call “moderately weak ties.” These are acquaintances, people we don’t know super well yet, connections just outside our inner circle.
Why? Because these relationships give us access to entirely new worlds. They open up new information, new possibilities, new ways of thinking that our closest friends, who already know what we know, simply can’t provide.
Sociologist Mark Granovetter figured this out back in 1973, and it’s been confirmed over and over: The person who changes your life might be someone you barely know.
What If You Changed Just One Thing?
Imagine for a moment that instead of sending another application into the void, you did something different. Something that felt less like begging for a job and more like being human.
What if you reached out to someone whose work lights you up, not to ask for a job, but simply to learn from them?
This is curiosity. This is connection. This is one person saying to another: “I see what you’re doing, and it matters to me. Can you help me understand how you got there?”
This approach has a name (informational interviewing), and research from the University of Minnesota shows it does something powerful: It doesn’t just help you gather information. It fundamentally increases your confidence in your ability to connect with others. It opens doors you didn’t even know existed. Studies confirm that people who network with genuine curiosity land higher-quality jobs. They find work that actually aligns with what matters to them.
Because when you approach someone with real curiosity, you’re not asking them for something. You’re offering them something rare: the chance to be helpful, to be valued, to share what they’ve learned.
Try questions like these:
- “How did you figure out what mattered most in your career?”
- “What surprised you most when you first started in this field?”
- “Looking back, what advice would you give to someone just beginning this journey?”
These aren’t interview questions. They’re invitations to real conversation. And real conversations change things.
Why Connection Wins (Every Single Time)
Think about what happens when you send an application online. You become a PDF. A list of bullet points. A file in a folder alongside hundreds of other files that all look basically the same.
But when you reach out with genuine curiosity? Everything changes.
You become a person.
Here’s what happens when you approach your search through connection instead of transaction:
- You discover what matters (before anyone else does).
Informational interviews unlock insider knowledge you simply cannot find anywhere else. You learn what skills actually matter in the day-to-day work, not just what’s listed in job descriptions. You hear about the challenges organizations are facing before they even know they need to hire for them. You become someone who understands, not just someone who wants. - You become unforgettable.
People don’t remember the person who asked for a job. They remember the person who asked thoughtful questions, who listened deeply, who made them feel valued. When you approach networking as learning rather than asking, something shifts. You’re not another desperate job seeker. You’re someone they want to help. - You gain access to possibilities no one else can see.
Here’s a fact that should change how you think about everything: As many as 70% of jobs never even get posted. They’re filled quietly, through conversations, through connections, through someone saying, “You know who would be perfect for this?”
When you build real relationships, you’re not just finding jobs. You’re finding opportunities that don’t exist yet for anyone else.
Here’s What You Can Do Today
You don’t need to overhaul your entire approach. You don’t need to become someone you’re not. You just need to start with one conversation.
Close this article. Take a breath. And think of one person (just one) whose work genuinely excites you. Someone who’s doing something you’d love to understand better. It doesn’t have to be someone you know well. In fact, research suggests it’s often more powerful if it isn’t.
Now, reach out. Today. Right now if you can.
Keep it simple. Keep it human:
“Hi [Name], I came across your work on [specific thing] and it really resonated with me. I’m exploring [field/career] and would love to learn from your experience. Would you have 15 minutes for a brief conversation? I’m particularly curious about [genuine question you actually want to know].”
No pressure. No hidden agenda. Just honest curiosity.
That’s it. That’s where everything begins.
The Pattern We Keep Seeing
Research from Lee Hecht Harrison shows that the average job seeker talks to about 25 decision-makers before landing their next role. But here’s what matters: Those 25 conversations aren’t random. They’re not applications thrown into the void. They’re relationships. They’re people who know your story, who see your potential, who might just think of you when an opportunity emerges.
That’s not luck. That’s what happens when you show up as a whole person, not just a résumé.
