Picture this: You’re wrapping up a team meeting when you say, “It would be great if someone could pull together those numbers for next week.” Everyone nods. You assume Joe will handle it—he usually does. But when next week arrives, no numbers. No Joe. Just a gap where you expected results.
What went wrong?
According to communication expert and Optimist Instructor Lori Zukin, this common scenario reveals a fundamental breakdown that happens in workplaces every day: the gap between what we think we’re asking for and what others actually hear.
“When we have unclear or incomplete requests, offers, and commitments, they can frequently cause breaches of trust,” Zukin explains in a class on clear communication in The Optimism Library. Even more challenging? “People who have perfect intentions” can still fail to deliver simply because the request wasn’t clear from the start.
The High Cost of Ambiguity
These misunderstandings aren’t just minor annoyances—they can erode trust, delay projects, and create unnecessary tension between well-meaning colleagues. When someone doesn’t deliver on what you thought you asked for, it’s easy to question their competence or commitment. Meanwhile, they may be completely unaware they’ve disappointed you.
This pattern repeats itself in meetings, emails, and conversations countless times each day, creating what Zukin calls “breaches of trust” that could be easily avoided.
The SMART Request Framework
So how do we fix this communication gap? Zukin recommends transforming vague wishes into SMART requests:
- Specific: Exactly what needs to be done
- Measurable: How we’ll know it’s complete
- Attainable: Within the person’s capabilities
- Relevant: Connected to important outcomes
- Time-bound: Clear deadline
Instead of “It would be great if someone could pull together those numbers,” try:
“Joe, could you compile the Q3 sales figures into the standard report template by Thursday at noon? We need this for Friday’s executive presentation, and your expertise with these numbers would be really valuable. Is that something you can commit to?”
This approach answers the critical questions: the who, what, when, why—and most importantly—gets a clear commitment.
When “Yes” Doesn’t Mean “Yes”
Even when you make a clear request, Zukin warns about another common pitfall: hedging responses.
“Obviously, they leave ambiguity about whether the task is gonna get done or not get done,” Zukin notes. “I don’t know if I can trust them to get it done, and I don’t know if they’re really gonna follow through.”
Listen for phrases like:
- “I’ll try”
- “I’ll see what I can do”
- “Let me see how things go”
- “I should be able to”
When you hear these responses, Zukin suggests a simple approach: reflect back the hedge.
“Hey, I’m hearing you say that you’re gonna see how things are going. That sounds like a maybe.”
This gentle observation gives the person a chance to either commit firmly or decline honestly—both better options than a half-hearted maybe.
From Complaints to Requests
Perhaps most powerful is Zukin’s framework for transforming complaints into effective requests.
“One of my coaches noticed that I was complaining about something,” Zukin shares, “and she said, those gifts actually usually mean that you have a request that you are not making clear, or that you’re not making at all.”
The next time you catch yourself complaining, try this four-step process:
- Identify what’s frustrating you
- Clarify what you actually want
- Determine who can help you get it
- Make a SMART request to that person
For example, instead of complaining “This client keeps changing what they’re asking for,” you might request: “Can we schedule a 30-minute call with the client by Friday to confirm the final scope of the project?”
Making It Work for You
Start by auditing your own communication. Are your requests clear and specific? Do you check for real commitment? Do you convert complaints into constructive requests?
The payoff for this small shift in communication can be enormous: fewer misunderstandings, stronger trust, and teams that actually deliver on their promises.
Because in a world of constant communication, clarity isn’t just nice to have—it’s essential for teams that want to move fast without breaking things (or relationships) along the way.
For more insights on building stronger communication skills, check out Lori Zukin’s full class in The Optimism Library, where she shares practical frameworks for transforming how your team communicates.
