Picture this: You’re a distribution center leader with engagement scores in the basement. Your team feels invisible, disconnected, and frankly, like they’d rather be working anywhere else. But there’s one team in the building that’s different. Their engagement scores are through the roof. They would do anything for their leader.
So what’s her secret?
A notebook and three minutes.
During a recent Live Session with leadership researcher Zach Mercurio, Ph.D., Optimism Library subscribers learned about this deceptively simple practice that has the power to profoundly change workplace relationships. The leader in question kept a notebook where every Friday, she’d write down her team members’ names and note one thing each person mentioned during the week—a struggle, a complaint, something they were worried about.
Come Monday morning, she’d check in: “Hey, I remember that equipment wasn’t working for you last week. Did we get that fixed?” Or: “You seemed nervous about that meeting. How did it go?”
As she told Mercurio: “There’s magic in being remembered.”
Why This Works (And Why We Usually Don’t Do It)
The science backs this up. When someone shows us we matter through remembering details about our lives, it releases oxytocin—the trust hormone. But here’s the kicker: most of us are terrible at doing this naturally. We’re too busy, too hurried, too focused on the “what” and “how” of our work to remember the “who.”
As Mercurio explained, “Hurry and care can’t coexist.” When we’re rushing from meeting to meeting, multitasking during calls, or racing through our email backlog, we miss these opportunities for connection.
Making It Practical: Your Monday Morning Game-Changer
Here’s how to implement this practice starting tomorrow:
- Ask better questions: Instead of “How are you?” try “What has your attention today?” or “What’s been taking your energy this week?” These questions actually get answers.
- Actually listen: When someone shares something – their kid’s soccer game, a presentation they’re nervous about, a project that’s frustrating them – mentally note it. Better yet, jot it down after the conversation.
- Follow up: This is where the magic happens. Next time you see them, reference what they shared. “How did Jamie’s soccer tournament go?” “Did that presentation go as well as I knew it would?”
The Trust Fall Myth
Here’s something interesting that came up during the Q&A: Remember those corporate trust falls and team-building exercises? Mercurio had some thoughts on those, too. The problem isn’t the trust fall itself—it’s when your daily reality doesn’t match the symbol.
“No amount of symbolic action, ritual, platform, program, perk, or promotion can make up for daily interactions in which you don’t feel that you matter,” he said.
In other words, skip the trust falls. Do the check-ins instead.
But What If You’re Too Busy?
One Q&A participant asked the question we’re all thinking: “How do you find time for this when you’re swamped?”
Mercurio’s response was perfect: “Name one financial metric that is not impacted by a human being and how they feel.”
After all, even automated sales through a website originate with a person.
The truth is, we often underestimate our impact. Research shows we consistently undervalue how much small gestures mean to others. That quick check-in you think is too minor to matter? It might be the thing that keeps someone engaged, productive, and loyal to your team.
Start Small, Start Tomorrow
You don’t need to revolutionize your leadership style overnight. You just need to remember one thing about one person and follow up on it. That’s it. Three minutes on Monday morning to show someone they’re not invisible.
As that distribution center leader discovered, there really is magic in being remembered. And unlike trust falls, potluck lunches, or employee of the month programs, this one actually works.
Because at the end of the day, people don’t need another pizza party. They need to know they matter. And sometimes, all that takes is someone remembering to ask about their kid’s soccer game.
Want to dive deeper into building trust and making people feel valued? Optimism Library subscribers have full access to Zach Mercurio’s 90-minute course, “Be the Leader People Actually Trust (and Maybe Even Love).”
