Author: Emily Priddy

Getting to the next rung on the career ladder is daunting at every stage. Like learning a language or shaving time off your mile, it can’t happen overnight. It’s something you need to work toward a little bit every day—adopting a mindset, and treating it like a new lifestyle.

Whether you’re looking to make a big leap (more responsibility, maybe a promotion) or a small one (just a pay bump), everyone could use a little help getting to the next level. That’s why we asked Simon Sinek, our founder and chief optimist here at The Optimism Company, for his best advice on getting ahead at work.

Read on to see Simon’s advice, which covers everything from comporting yourself as a leader to asking for a raise the right way. And for more career advice, check out The Optimism Library for more than 50 classes on all the things you need to know to get ahead in your professional growth.

Tip #1: Sharpen your human skills

Yes, you consistently blow past all of your quarterly goals and generate undeniable value for your bosses. But the person three desks over who regularly churns out average work just scored a promotion. What gives?

“Leadership sees something in them and wants to put them in a leadership position,” Simon explained. “So, if you’re thinking about your own career as well, yes, absolutely, you want to be good at those hard skills—the skills that are about being good at your job—but it’s the human skills, as well.”

You often see it in tech, finance, and other fields that loudly prioritize KPIs and root performance in quantifiable metrics. But when it comes to taking the next step, to proving you’re ready to oversee other people, your soft skills are just as important.

“Learning to listen or help others thrive around [you] may more likely lead to your promotion than simply hitting all the numbers,” Simon elaborated.

Tip #2: Don’t come in with an ultimatum

When people ask for a raise or promotion, many tend to make the same mistake, according to Simon: They bring up the topic as a simple yes-or-no question. This forces bosses into a position where they may have to impart bad news, and don’t have the room to elaborate on their decision. You’re better off framing it as a discussion.

According to Simon, here’s one way you can bring it up: “I really like working here. I want to stay here for a long time. I’m learning a lot and I want to continue learning. And I also feel like I’m taking on more work, or I’ve gone above and beyond, and I want to have a conversation with you about the opportunities that I could have that my compensation could reflect the additional work I’ve been doing.”

Following that, put some time on your boss’ calendar to discuss the prospect of increasing your salary; discussions about money are hard on both sides of the table, and giving your boss time to prepare shows that you’re patient (a key quality in natural leaders). If the answer is negative, see if your boss is willing to outline clearly demarcated goals for you to hit on a schedule that’d lead to a promotion or raise.

Tip #3: Practice the art of having difficult conversations

Occasionally, you’ll find yourself needing to speak up at work. Perhaps your ideas are consistently shot down, or you’re regularly belittled in group contexts. When it reaches a point where you want—no, need—to say something, don’t barge into your boss’ office and lob a barrage of criticisms. Check yourself, and go in with a measured plan.

Simon recommends the tried and true “FBI” method as a way to have an effective confrontation with your boss: “What is your Feeling? What Behavior are they doing that makes you feel that way? And what Impact does it have?”

The key, Simon explains, is to be “really, really specific.” Avoid generalities (ex. “You always undermine me” or “You’re always yelling at me”) and come to the table instead with dates, meeting minutes, and, yes, your anxieties about how the meeting made you feel. To really bring it home, throw in how you think such treatment could hurt broader team morale and productivity.

“What FBI is designed to do is allow the other person to hear you and take accountability,” said Simon. Better yet, it gives the impression that you know how to advocate yourself—and, by extension, how to advocate for others too. If that’s not leadership material, nothing is.

These days, it seems like everyone has a juicy horror story to share about a dreadful boss, a backstabbing colleague, or a workplace that feels straight out of a teen movie. However, the latest research suggests that toxic workplaces—those that pit employees against one another, foster negativity and bullying and harassment, and prioritize productivity at all costs—are shockingly common. According to a recent report by the American Psychological Association, a whopping one in five workers describe their workplaces as toxic.

Research has proven that the single most common cause of a toxic workplace is (no surprise here) the top of the ladder. If the boss is self-absorbed, overbearing, or unrealistic in his or her demands, the level below them tends to follow suit. Studies show that it produces a trickle-down effect that usually spreads like an insidious virus, resulting in an unsustainable culture with high levels of stress, turnover, and infighting.

But if you can’t change your leader, is there anything you can do to combat a toxic work environment? If you ask our founder and Chief Optimist, Simon Sinek, the answer is definitely yes.

Read on for some of the ways Simon suggests you can take matters into your own hands and fight back against a poor working environment. And if you’re interested in learning some smart ways to create a better culture, you’ll find popular classes such as “Build Trusting Teams” and “How to Build a Culture Where Everyone Matters” in our Optimism Library.

Tip #1: Rally to Your Colleagues’ Defense

If negative energy originates from the top and permeates downwards, it’s crucial not to perpetuate it. Break the cycle, take initiative, and fill the void in leadership within your company. Even if you don’t hold a managerial position, that doesn’t mean you can’t embody the qualities of an effective leader—or more specifically, the leader you wish you had.

According to Simon, “Leadership has nothing to do with rank.” He emphasizes that many individuals in high-level positions lack true leadership qualities. While they may possess authority, their subordinates are not inspired to follow them. Leadership can manifest at any level within an organization.

If you notice a coworker struggling with a task that you are well-versed in, don’t simply leave them to fend for themselves. Take the time to sit down with them and demonstrate how to tackle it. Your superiors may not offer this help, but by stepping up and providing support, you can reduce friction within your workplace. Consider it an added bonus that you’ll start a virtuous cycle in which your colleagues start to help one another. 

Tip #2: Ask Your Colleagues to Review Your Work

According to Simon, assistance should be a two-way street. “Remember, building trust is not just about offering help, but also about asking for help,” Simon says. “As a leader, you can also encourage those around you to lend a hand.”

Even if you don’t necessarily need assistance with a specific task, there are still ways to make your colleagues feel valued. After completing an assignment, ask a coworker to review your work. By doing so, you are expressing confidence in their abilities. You are demonstrating that you appreciate their skills and trust their judgment, treating them with the same level of respect you would expect for yourself.

“Allow them to feel empowered to assist others,” Simon explained. “Over time, you will establish a level of trust within your team, and they will see you as someone who supports them.”

Tip #3: Do the Little Things (Over and Over)

The most effective way to eliminate toxicity in your workplace is to lead by example. And just like any other skill, leadership requires practice to improve.

“Make it a habit to consider the well-being of others,” Simon advised. “It’s the small acts of kindness, where you prioritize the lives of those around you, sometimes even before your own, and are willing to invest time and energy to assist them.”

Finished the coffee? Take a moment to refill it. Hold the elevator for someone, even if it means being slightly late to a meeting.

“If you want to ride a bicycle, you have to practice to become good at it,” Simon explained. “Leadership follows the same principle.”

If the latest research is anything to go by, the modern American workplace is a pretty miserable place. Last year, a Gallup poll revealed that a whopping 85% of workers despised their jobs. And according to a study by UKG, almost half of the respondents wouldn’t even recommend their job or profession to a fresh-faced newbie entering the workforce. In that very same report, nearly four in ten workers admitted they wouldn’t wish their job “on their worst enemy.” Oy.

In any event, our relationships with our jobs are often way more complex than simply describing them with “love” or “hate.” In fact, it may surprise you to learn that a lot of people who claim to hate their jobs don’t actually hate the work itself. According to the brilliant behavioral scientist Paul Dolan, Ph.D., also known as “The Professor of Happiness,” a significant number of people who believe they hate their jobs actually just despise their daily commute.

That being said, if you’re truly unhappy in your current role, it’s a terrible position to be in. So we asked Simon Sinek, our founder and Chief Optimist, for his advice on what you can do to make your life better. Read on for his tips, and for more ways you can take better control at work, be sure to check out the personal development section of our Optimism Library. 

There you’ll find a lot of classes that may be helpful to you, such as “Choose Happiness at Work,” “Conquer Overwhelm & Boost Productivity,” “Reduce Your Stress and Anxiety,” “Sleep Better, Feel Better, Achieve More,” and more.

Tip One: View your job as free higher education

Everyone knows that a bad boss can ruin an otherwise great job. However, there is no need to succumb to despair. All you have to do is change your perspective.

According to Simon, “Working at a challenging job with a bad boss can actually provide one of the greatest educations.” The key lies in altering your mindset. Instead of waking up in the morning with a sense of dread, consider it as attending university. You are essentially earning a master’s degree in leadership and gaining valuable insights on what not to do.

Simon shares a personal experience from his early career. During a review, his boss bluntly told him that he had “no talent.” Although this comment was supposedly meant to be a tough-love motivational tactic, it was far from that in reality. However, it served as a catalyst for Simon to shift his mindset.

Tip Two: Be the leader you wish you had

Simon suggests a different approach when faced with criticism. “Rather than taking it personally, I saw it as an opportunity to learn how not to lead,” he explains. “I would file away these experiences, knowing that one day I would be able to utilize them. That day has come.”

It’s important to remember that your current job is just a temporary phase in the grand scheme of your life. However, as you progress in your career and eventually become a manager with your own team, your past experiences will greatly influence your leadership style.

Tip Three: Find solace in your coworkers

In times of adversity, strong bonds are often formed, and this holds true for the relationships we build with our colleagues. When you find yourself unable to tolerate your day job, turn to your coworkers for camaraderie and emotional support.

“Misery loves company,” says Simon. “I had this fantastic, fantastic relationship with my team. We looked after each other because we all had this oppressive boss. We would compare ‘advice’ that we got in our little career-building sessions, and we took care of each other. So we had a responsibility to each other, and that’s where we cut our teeth on being leaders.”

Simon vividly remembers days when he despised his job to the core, even contemplating quitting on the spot. However, working alongside people he cherished and respected made the experience worthwhile. As Simon puts it, “Mindset plays a significant role in finding joy in a challenging job.”

In an era dominated by smartphones, the Internet, and text messaging, we’ve been robbed of many little things that once brought us joy—from alphabetized CD cases to the thrill of getting lost while driving to the simple pleasure of boredom. But there’s one thing that stands out to us at The Optimism Company: those little check-in phone calls with close friends. 

Now, we know what you’re thinking: “I WhatsApp with my BFF all the time!” Well, science will tell you that it’s simply not the same. In fact, a study conducted in 2021, extensively reported in The New York Times, examined the effects of brief, regular phone calls on 240 adults. And let us tell you, the results were striking.

Those fortunate enough to receive calls a few times a week experienced a significant reduction in levels of depression, loneliness, and anxiety. This revelation caught the attention of Dr. Bob Waldinger, a distinguished professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and the author of the book, The Good Life: Lessons From the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. Dr. Waldinger emphasizes the importance of investing time in our most cherished relationships. He argues that these investments can yield tangible effects on our overall well-being, offering a hidden “gold mine of vitality” that often goes unnoticed. 

And this is where the “eight-minute catch-up” comes into play.

The concept of the “eight-minute catch-up” has emerged as a practical application of this research, championed by individuals like our founder and Chief Optimist, Simon Sinek. They advocate for dedicating short, focused periods of connection with friends or loved ones. This approach not only cultivates a sense of closeness and well-being but also addresses the common issue of conversations dragging on past their welcome or abruptly ending—a problem identified in another  study conducted in 2021.

By mutually agreeing to an eight-minute time limit beforehand, both parties can engage in a meaningful exchange without overstaying their welcome. This ensures that the time spent together is both beneficial and respected.

In a recent episode of “A Bit of Optimism,” Simon went deep on this topic with his long-time friend, celebrated chef and author Christina Tosi. They explored the significance of asking for help and being there for friends in need. Their conversation shed light on a simple yet powerful lesson: the act of reaching out for support is not only normal but also an essential part of our shared human experience.

According to Simon, he had a moment of realization when he encountered a friend and asked how they were. To his surprise, the friend revealed that they had been struggling with depression. Simon’s immediate response was, “WTF? Why didn’t you call me?” It sparked an eye-opening realization about the subtle ways in which people ask for help. 

“There is no greater honor than to send them a text message that says, ‘Do you have eight minutes?'” said Christina. 

This phrase has become a code between Simon and Christina, symbolizing a safe space where one can openly express vulnerability and seek comfort.

At the end of the day, eight minutes of a friend’s time can make all the difference in the world. Best of all, it’s only eight minutes. “Eight minutes! When somebody texts you ‘Do you have eight minutes?’ Any of us can pause a movie, step out of a meeting, or leave a room to talk to a friend in need for eight minutes,” says Simon. 

If you’d like to hear Simon and Christina’s full conversation, you can give it a listen here.

“I’m such an idiot.” “I’m terrible at my job.” “No one likes me.” Sound familiar? We all have that pesky inner critic that loves to rain on our parade every now and then. While leading psychologists will tell you that you’ll never be able to kick your inner critic to the curb for good, you can certainly take steps to manage it.

It all starts with a little bit of self-compassion. One study published in the journal Behavior Therapy found having self-compassion can counteract the negatives that often come hand-in-hand with self-criticism—everything from stress and anxiety to depression. Another study found it can also increase your future happiness, even in times of adversity. But where do you begin on your journey of self-compassion?

Simon Sinek, our founder and Chief Optimist, says the best place to start is confronting your inner critic head-on. “We can’t stop it. But we can manage it,” he says. And the best way to do that is to simply give it a name, which allows you to grow distance between yourself and your inner critic. “Call it Bob. Call it Stacey. I know someone who calls it the ‘Shitty Committee,’ he says. “That way, when your inner critic chimes in, you can be like, ‘Oh, the Shitty Committee’ is here again,’ and it helps you manage it a lot better.”

Naming your inner critic might feel silly, but the method is backed by mental health professionals for a reason—it instantly robs your inner critic of its power. A study published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology found when you become aware of your inner critic and how harshly you treat yourself, you’ll become more supportive and friendly toward yourself—something that, as the authors say, makes you feel more at peace and “better able to cope with everyday pressures and challenges.”

While labeling the voice in your head that criticizes you 24/7 is one way to be kinder to yourself, it’s only the beginning. If you make it your mission to show yourself some compassion—not just today, but every day—you’ll be well on your way to a brighter, more fulfilling future. With that in mind, we’ve included three more ways to do just that below. So read on, and if you’re interested in some of the ways you can inject some compassion into your workplace, you’ll find a wealth of courses that will help you build a culture of kindness in our Optimism Library. 

3 More Ways to Be Kind to Yourself

1. Forgive Yourself for Your Mistakes

Sure, making a mistake sucks. Unfortunately, we’re only human, and therefore mistakes are 100% going to happen. It’s how you choose to deal with these mistakes is what really matters—starting with always choosing to forgive yourself.

Past research has found higher levels of self-forgiveness lead to higher levels of well-being. The next time you make a mistake—whether it’s in your career or personal life—view the mistake not as a negative but as an opportunity for growth. This isn’t always easy, but getting caught up on a mistake is only going to hold you back. Not only from finding happiness, but also from reaching your full potential and achieving your goals.

2. Celebrate Small Wins

When we think of celebrating our wins, it’s typically the big stuff—think a new job or a relationship milestone. But those aren’t things that happen every day. Another simple way to be kinder to yourself is to celebrate all your achievements—even the small stuff you wouldn’t typically write home about, whether that’s checking a task off your to-do list or cooking a meal at home instead of ordering takeout.

3. Check In On Yourself

We check in on friends and family to see how they’re doing, but when’s the last time you checked in on yourself? Taking a second to step away from what you’re doing and ask yourself how you’re feeling—both physically and mentally—is an easy way to foster self-kindness. 

Oftentimes, we push how we’re feeling aside. According to a review published in Clinical Psychology Review, doing these regular check-ins—along with other mindfulness activities—can offer numerous benefits, including improvements in mood and a better sense of well-being. Instead of ignoring how you’re feeling, you’re able to address it, understand it, and take action that will leave you feeling more balanced and fulfilled.

The Bottom Line

Being kind to yourself—whether that’s confronting your inner critic, forgiving yourself for mistakes, celebrating small wins, or checking in on yourself regularly—is crucial. When we treat ourselves with the same kindness and compassion we extend to others, we pave the way for a brighter, more fulfilling future—one grounded in self-love, acceptance, and happiness.

Imagine it as the secret sauce that really makes leaders shine. Some folks call it the “X factor,” while others think of it as a special gift only a lucky few possess. But when it comes to being an outstanding leader, there’s one undeniable ingredient that sets them apart: a killer leadership presence. Whether you’re running a small team, dreaming of a political career, heading up a massive corporation, teaching, or even channeling your inner Oprah, this quality acts like a magnet, drawing people’s attention in.

In their book Leadership Presence, authors Belle Linda Halpern and Kathy Lubar define it as “the ability to authentically connect with the thoughts and feelings of others in order to motivate and inspire them to achieve a desired outcome.” If that sounds like a jumble of words to you, Simon offers a simpler definition: It is a unique combination of grativas, basic savvy, and the ability to make others feel both safe and inspired. 

Furthermore, it is not something you are born with; it is something you learn.

Like many of the skills we teach here at The Optimism Company, there are few institutional curriculums available to learn the art of leadership presence. In fact, most leaders with great leadership presence learned it by observing other great leaders before them. If you are interested in an accelerated course on learning leadership presence, we asked Simon Sinek, our founder and Chief Optimist, for his five-tip cheat sheet.

His first piece of advice? Don’t fake it before you make it. “There is an irony that comes with leadership presence, which is that you should never pretend to be something you are not,” he says. “There are people who put on a facade and shout orders to appear as leaders, when in reality, they are not leaders. However, you do need to present yourself differently to build leadership presence. When you are more junior, you can be silly. As you advance in seniority, you must remember that a whisper becomes a shout.”

With that in mind, what follow are Simon’s top tips for building your own leadership presence. Read on, and if you’re interested in more great advice you can use to level up your confidence at work, be sure to check out Simon’s #1 bestselling course, The Art of Presenting, today. 

1. You Need Constant Situational Awareness

Never underestimate the power of being really, really good at reading the room at work. “It’s like being a parent,” says Simon. “Roughhousing with your kids is fun, but a good parent knows when to stop, and when it’s going too far. Good leaders have to have constant situational awareness.”

Simon notes that he’s seen leaders suffer when they lose this focus. “I’ve seen leaders lose their leadership presence because they failed to read the room,” he says. “They allow people to say things that shouldn’t be said. You’re managing the room. I watch the room constantly. If someone is struggling to get a word in, I’ll step in and be like, ‘Hold on one second. Emily, you’re trying to say something?’ So I’m constantly paying attention to who’s struggling to speak, who’s speaking too much.”

What’s more, you don’t have to be the appointed leader to develop this leadership presence. “You never have to be the most senior person in the room to do this,” says Simon. “You can have unofficial authority simply by interrupting and saying, ‘James is trying to say something.””

2. Always Remember: Everything You Say Carries Weight

If you’re in a position of authority, it’s important to remember that “everything you say is magnified and carries weight,” says Simon. “A compliment can make someone’s week. On the other hand, a little offhanded comment can destroy someone. Everything is just exaggerated. And so you’re not changing who you are. You’re still yourself. But you have to remember that absolutely everything that comes out of you is louder, bigger, more sensitive, spotlighted, and more exaggerated. A whisper becomes a shout, and you have to be ultra-sensitive to compliments and criticisms.”

3. Yes, Fashion and Body Language Are Important

In fear of saying something wildly old-fashioned in a world populated by hoodies and Nike Dunk Lows, it’s simply a fact that how you present yourself—both in terms of appearance and body language—impacts your leadership presence. “Even if you’re a male and you don’t care that no one else is wearing a collared shirt in a casual office, it’s helpful to look more presentable,” says Simon. “Take a tip from Ronald Reagan. He always wore a jacket and tie in the Oval Office. It was out of respect for the office, and it largely set the tone.”

Also, remember that human beings don’t just communicate with words. We send powerful messages with our bodies even if we don’t know we’re doing it. “Posture matters,” says Simon. “You can’t sit in a meeting hunched over and expect that people will think that you’re the leader. You should sit up straight. What I notice when I’m slouching or I notice that my physical presence is lazier, I’m communicating the wrong things to the room. Also, sitting up straight reminds me to pay attention to the room, to make sure everybody’s feelings are heard.”

4. Always Protect the Group

Fact: Leaders are leaders because they, well, lead. “As hierarchical animals, we kind of want to know who we can trust and who we can follow, and we’re constantly assessing and judging each other,” says Simon. “When you have all of these leadership presence skills, what you’re communicating to the room is I’m aware and I’m going to protect the team.”

Simon can’t emphasize enough the importance of projecting safety and protection. “This is where people confuse authority and leadership. It doesn’t matter if you’re stronger or louder. What you’re communicating with good leadership presence is that the leader goes first. That’s why we call you a leader. You lead. You go first towards the danger. You speak truth to power.”

5. Embrace Your Inner Idiot

One of the best ways to build leadership presence is to ask the questions that everyone is thinking but no one else is asking. “You’re willing to be stupid,” says Simon. “You say, ‘I don’t understand.’ No one understands, but leaders are the first to say it.”

At the end of the day, this will build the trust and respect that comes with leadership presence. “If you’re willing to go first into danger and discomfort and help ideas move forwards, what that communicates is trustworthiness and protection,” says Simon. “And by the way, it’s not always about leading people. It could be leading the ideas. Saying, ‘Okay, let’s try it!’ Or, ‘We’ve been tackling this idea with one train of thought. Let’s try something else again.’”