We’ve all been there—we’re in a meeting and the person leading the call asks a question. The conversation pauses, and suddenly, time seems to drag on at half the speed. The silence is deafening… and awkward. It’s a common scene in work environments, but it’s how leaders decide to react that defines how they will shape team morale and the psychological safety of its members.
When a meeting falls into silence—or feels stuck and unproductive—it’s a natural reaction for leaders to feel frustrated and want to call on participants randomly to engage. Elisabeth Cardiello, a seasoned communications expert and Optimist Instructor, would advise leaders to avoid this.
Now, let’s first clarify what “calling on” means. We know every leader managing a meeting has to speak to people, ask questions, ask for updates, and generally expect a base level of participation. Those sorts of interactions would not constitute as being “called on,” given that those interactions are expected and often prepped for. Being “called on” is when a leader asks a question in a meeting, is then met with silence, and then decides to put someone on the spot and volunteer them to answer, even though they were not wanting to do so.
“Calling on people? People’s hands aren’t raised in an office,” says Elisabeth. “If you start calling on people, you’re bringing them right back to grade school, when someone was like, ‘What’s the answer to the math problem?‘ When you’re called on randomly, the natural reaction is, ‘Oh, my God, I have no clue and this is terrible.’”
This approach can make team members feel put on the spot, increasing anxiety, and diminishing their sense of safety and comfort within the group. In the quest for engaging your team you are actively diminishing trust.
Here’s What Leaders Should Do Instead
So, how do you beat awkward silences in meetings? Well, here’s the thing… you don’t.
Instead of reverting to classroom tactics, Elisabeth recommends embracing these silences as productive and thoughtful pauses. Silence doesn’t necessarily indicate disengagement; often, it means participants are processing information, formulating thoughts, or considering their responses. Make it known to your team that you’re OK with silence and are willing to give as much time as needed for them to reflect— hopefully then the tension will dissipate and good ideas will start to come forward.
For virtual meetings, she suggests the “popcorn style” method to avoid these awkward moments. The “popcorn” method encourages voluntary participation.
“Whoever wants to share first, they unmute, they share. When they’re done, they re-mute,” she says. “The next person that wants to go unmutes and they share when they’re done, they re-mute, and so on.” If your meetings are in-person, you can still adhere to this style, simply speaking up when you want to contribute and then leaving the floor open for others to share their thoughts, as well.
This style respects the natural flow of conversation and doesn’t pressure anyone to speak before they are ready. It fosters a more relaxed environment where people can contribute thoughtfully and at their own pace. “Silence just means that we’re being thoughtful, right? Silence is a good thing. It means we’re actually thinking there’s something happening,” says Elisabeth.
So next time you’re leading a meeting and encounter a stretch of silence, remember it’s an opportunity for reflection, not a gap that needs filling. Encourage a culture where everyone feels they can contribute when they’re ready, not because they’re compelled to. A simple acknowledgment, such as saying “Thank you for sharing,” can go a long way in building trust and encouraging open, stress-free communication within your team.
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